I’m going to write this because I think a lot of people have these pre-conceived ideas regarding what it is to be an actor. go grab a coffee before you read this; it’s another long one i’m afraid.
Firstly a confession: *stands up* I’m an actor… I’ve known deep down all my life that I have been an actor but it is only comparatively recently that I’ve allowed myself to embrace the lifestyle full time.
There are various reasons why a person becomes an actor. For me, acting is the place where I feel most at home. I don’t mean that it is a comfortable lifestyle, for it isn’t. I mean that acting is where I feel the most energy; where I feel the most alive and where I have this overwhelming urge to create something fantastic. Some people do it to become famous and I can guarantee you there are lots of other, easier ways to become known.
I want to leave a lasting legacy of art to the world. I can’t draw, I can’t paint, I can’t sing… but I can act. As a child I was always in the school plays, always at the forefront of the acting side of things. When I wasn’t acting, I was involved in stage work, directing or doing the lights or SOMETHING that involved the school theatre project. As I grew up the pressure to have a great job was too great to bear, so I did. By the time I gave it up to become an actor I was earning a lot of money and had a truly great car.
But you know what? None of that means anything if you aren’t happy; and I wasn’t. I wasn’t happy with my job and the stress it put me under. I wasn’t happy with my work managers and the self-serving atmosphere in which I was forced to work. You couldn’t stick your head above the parapet as you’d get it shot off.
The problem with me is that I poke things. I poke them until they bite back and I did that just one time to many at work. I wasn’t comfortable keeping my head down, I wanted to speak up, I wanted to shout and make my voice heard, I wanted to shake things up. So I did. Time and time again. So yes my work atmosphere was partly my fault as I didn’t learn to sit still and shut up.
I’m glad I didn’t.
I’m glad I didn’t as it has given me an energy and perseverance to now go on and do what I honestly think I am best at.
Anyway, back to the reason for this blog entry. What does it mean to be an actor?
There is this group in the UK called ‘Surviving Actors’. I don’t like this group at all purely because of the name. Why must an actor merely ‘survive?’ Why can’t they thrive? Maybe I should create a group called Thriving Actors? There is this notion that for an actor to truly capture his art he must surround himself with anguish. Yes, well done. What a load of rubbish. Do you see Brad Pitt surrounding his life with anguish? No, of course you don’t. An actor, like any artist, has to have a passion for what he does that far outweighs any negativity that you can possibly think of. It is the reason I get up at 6am each morning (although I don’t have to) and acting occupies ALL my thoughts each day. How to get better, who to speak to, where to find work, how to approach my dialects, voice improvement, physical fitness and so on. It’s not a 9-5 granted but on the usual 9-5, your day stops when you leave the office. I defy any dedicated and passionate actor to say that their passion is a 9-5. I’ve had Skype calls at midnight before. I’ve been rehearsing from before dawn to after dusk. I’ve travelled the length and breadth of the country for a project purely because THIS IS WHAT EXCITES ME!
I think that some of my non-actor friends don’t really understand this. I think they don’t understand that I am not doing this to be big or clever; I am doing this because I can’t imagine a life without it. I’ve had a lot of negativity from people I thought were friends “what are you going to do if you fail?” I won’t fail; I have perseverance, dedication, talent, drive and commitment. I will do whatever it takes to makes this work for me and I think some of my friends need to know that if they are negative about my career then there really is no place in my life for them. I think we will both be better off without each other. I am all about the positivity; I am meeting the most incredible people with the same drive and commitment that I have and although I have only known some of them for five minutes, I feel a deeper connection with them than with some people I have known for years.
I’m not disparaging all my non-actor friends at all as the majority of them are incredibly supportive and I am grateful that I have a close knit group of friends around me that are interested in what I do; without them it would be a lot harder. Many of them have seen this fundamental change in the Damo they’ve known to this new positive and energetic person.
So, what does it mean for me to be an actor?
It means I am alive. I am feeling things I have never felt before; I am removing all these barriers I had put up around myself and showing my soul to the world. I just know I am destined for something amazing because I have the drive to make it happen. I have big dreams and they scare me. I don’t know how I’m going to achieve them or when they are going to happen but that’s not my place to know. My place is to put one foot in front of the other and march towards them with all my heart and soul sure in the knowledge that the journey will be just as amazing as the end product.
I’ve had some amazing messages from friends who I have helped inspire to go off and follow their own dreams. I am humbled by your kindness but to them I say that the desire and passion was always within you, you just needed that kick-start to get going, like I did. In turn, you have inspired me to carry on with my dreams and when I get to the times when my resolve falters, like it does for everyone at some points, I look at those other friends who are following their dreams and it picks me right up. You say I have helped you but you will never know how much you have helped me in return and how grateful I am to you.
I can’t imagine doing anything else with my life from now until the end of my days. I am an actor and I always will be. I may dabble in directing from time to time but my passion will always be in the creation of something magical on screen or stage.
I will leave you with a quote from an incredibly inspirational man.
“Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Damien Gerard 