Damien Gerard

This is going to be a long one. Go get a coffee, snacks or have a cigarette first.

I first posted this on my Facebook page in May 2012 but I have updated it at the end to take into account my current status, six months later.

Much like Keanu in ‘Point Break’, i’ve always lived my life for other people. By other people, I actually mean my father. Growing up as the son of a very successful and driven police officer was difficult. He never congratulated me on doing a good job “Why? Because that’s what you are supposed to do, isn’t it?” but he was always quick to give me destructive criticism.

He didn’t do it because he hated me, far from it. He loved me and just wanted me to have the same drive and determination as him.

One day I found the theatre at school and my life changed. I would have been about 13 years old. THIS was what I wanted to do! I auditioned for the school plays and managed to get leading roles in all of them. My drama teacher, impressed with my ability, made me audition for a BBC TV series. I got the role.

Juggling exams and acting was difficult and I agreed with my parents that I would stop acting whilst I focused on my studies.

Right, that done, time to go back to acti… no? Oh. “You’re going to get yourself a real job!”

So I did.

LRP (Live Roleplaying) and tabletop RPGs were pretty much the only creative outlet I had and I just threw all my free time at that as a way of hiding my feelings that I couldn’t do what I wanted.

A few minor acting roles came and went successfully but that was it. I became angry. Many people that know me know exactly how angry I became. I was a total dick; a vicious streak a mile wide and a temper to match. In fact it surprises me that those people who knew me then still associate with me now. To them, thank you and sorry, but that isn’t the purpose of this post. I just need to vent my spleen. You’ll see why.

So life plodded along. I finally moved out from my parents not long after I got made redundant from the Sheriff’s Office and moved over to Brighton to live with some friends I met through the Live roleplaying scene (LRP saved my life, fact fans).

Still even then I felt like I needed to get my parents approval before I did anything. When I wanted to make a purchase greater than a few hundred quid, I would ask them if it was alright for me to do so and listen to the sage advice they gave me on why it wasn’t and why I should save my money for a rainy day

A whole succession of other jobs came and went before I landed where I am today, working for Her Majesty’s Government. It pays well. Very well in fact. Both Becca and I live very comfortably indeed. A lovely house, an Aston Martin, holidays abroad each year.

But I’m not as happy as I could be. That is because I am not acting.

A few years back, some of you may know that I got taken into hospital very suddenly with a life-threatening condition. I won’t go into details of the whys and wherefores. They kept me in for bloody ages and I hated it. I remember sitting in a wheelchair, drugged up to the eyeballs, looking up at my parents stood nearby desperately trying to put a brave face on things as I was being wheeled into surgery. Worst moment of my life.

The adage that you see your life flashing before your eyes just before you die is true. I honestly thought that my time was up and all the regrets and all the fears hit me squarely between the eyes just before I passed out.

It was probably a couple of days before I could think straight again and I realised that if I didn’t make an action now then I never would.

So when I came out of hospital, I searched the internet for the best way into becoming an actor again. A proper actor this time, not one who skirts round the outsides of features, taking extra roles or doing bit parts here and there, but a real lead actor with skill, drive and determination to succeed.

I signed up with an extra agency and did a couple of roles purely so I could refresh myself as to what being on set was like again. I needed more recent experience. The agency keeps calling me and asking me to do more but I don’t want extra roles. Why have a bone when I can have the whole steak?

So, from that I found a couple of websites that allowed me some minor paid work on student films. This allowed me the chance to get Spotlight membership and instantly make myself more marketable as an actor. From there I did some more roles garnered from my own searches and persistence. All these roles were paid speaking roles. From there I got an agent and landed myself a few damn good roles on TV and in feature films. All of this is off my own back, you understand, no work from my agent at all.

From there I got Equity membership and proudly carry my Equity card with me at all times.

Still, I felt that something was lacking and that I wasn’t exploring my potential as fully as I could, so I enrolled in a few different acting courses and found them all to be wanting. None of them gave me any inspiration or that spark of creativity once I’d come away from them.

Then I found the Brian Timoney Acting Studio. A method acting coach in the UK with a branch in Los Angeles too. I tried the three day workshop to see if I liked it and I came away from that with a buzz. I felt charged, electric, like every fibre of my being was alive! I signed up to the one year course then and there. This cost me ten grand but it gave me so many things I had been missing before. Not only has it increased my happiness a thousandfold (again, compare how I am now to how I was a few years ago, those that knew me then) but the course gave me the confidence to know that I have an ability for acting, that I am marketable and have a realistic chance of success.

Whilst I was on this course I filmed a major role for a feature by an award winning American director, Steve Balderson. This was far and away more exciting than the other stuff I had filmed previously. A real sense of rawness and being there whilst something incredible was being created was palpable. I loved every minute of it.

In January we went to Los Angeles and worked in a theatre there for a week. Wow, they have such energy over there and we learnt even more about who we are, let alone what we are capable of doing whilst we are working as actors.

A showreel shoot followed that and I have received so many positive comments from industry people about how that went.

We completed the course at the start of May this year with a showcase at the Groucho Club in London. What an incredible night. I met some people at the heart of British broadcasting, both TV and film-making and learned an incredible amount from just listening to them after the showcase finished. The positive feedback I got was astounding to be honest. I knew I had a talent for it but to hear it from industry people themselves was incredible.

I came away with a few cards, details of some agents and made some contacts that I hope will be useful for me in the future.

Many things about this course changed my outlook on life. Gone are the requirements that I live for someone else. Gone are the requirements that I must have a secure job in order to be recognised as successful.

Big actions deserve big rewards.

Today I sold my pride and joy, an Aston Martin V8 Vantage and have written my resignation letter to hand in to work. I have a meeting with a new agent tomorrow. One that I spoke to at the showcase and whom I seemed to hit it off with very well. I just know that I will forge a meaningful and successful partnership with this agent and look forward to all that life throws at me.

So, within a couple of months, once my notice period has been worked through, I will be without my car, without a stable job that brings in money each and every month, but as long as I have Becca by my side, a roof over my head and I’m doing what I want to do in life with no-one to tell me otherwise, then I couldn’t be happier.

I’d like to end with a quote from James Hetfield of Metallica from ‘Damage Inc’

“Fuck it all and fucking no regrets”

There is no ‘Plan B.’

Peace

22 NOVEMBER 2012 EDIT

Well, the Aston Martin was sold in late May but went in early June and it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. The thing about the AM marque is that it gets under your skin. It’s an aspirational brand and i’ve wanted one ever since I was a small child, having the black and white picture of Sean Connery leaning against the DB5 outside Stoke Poges Golf Club from the film Goldfinger. However, selling the car has given me a ton of cash that means I could give up my job to focus on acting, so it was sacrificed for a worthy cause.

Also in June I signed contracts with a new agent and my good lady and I went to the Visionfest Film Festival in New York where we accepted an award for Best Original Score on behalf of the film ‘Culture Shock’ and the talented composer, Rob Kleiner.

September saw me finally work my notice period and leave my job to become a bohemian actor.

In October I took up horse riding, although i’ve only done it a few times since then due to other commitments. Still, it’s coming on very well.

In November I passed an accredited exam in unarmed stage combat with the Academy of Performance Combat, an Equity recognised organisation.

During the last six months, I have had loads of auditions (although nothing for the last few weeks, oddly) and have booked some pretty amazing paying work. I’m waiting to hear back on whether i’ve booked the lead in a brand new TV show filming in Swansea where I am working with an old actor friend. We’re just waiting for the CD to get back to us with a yes or no; exciting stuff.

At the start of December, i will be working with a well known acting coach from LA called Bernard Hiller, who is credited for launching the careers of Cameron Diaz and Leo di Caprio, to name but two. He also works with Pacino and a load of other A-listers in Hollywood, so this is a huge deal for me (no pressure) and it could really mean I take my acting game to the next level. Hiller invites the students he sees great potential in over to his class in LA where he works with them for longer to show their work to a slew of top industry people (Last master class he had Al Pacino, an agent for William Morris Endeavour, casting director April Webster (Lost, CSI, Star Trek, Alcatraz, Fringe) and Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad, Malcolm in the Middle) amongst others. The list of past industry people who have attended his LA masterclass reads like a who’s who of Hollywood. This LA class is something that I will make happen. I want that so badly I can taste it; and if it means I have to put in every single hour under the sun perfecting my character study, rehearsing and learning lines before the class at the start of December, then I will!

One thing many of you may know about me is that when I get an idea in my head, it’s hard for me to let go. My current idea, the one that takes up all my waking moments and fills almost all my dreams at night, is that I will be a successful actor, working regularly and to a high degree of skill. I will be one of those people that others look up to and declaim that “not only is he good but he’s a nice bloke too.”

People say to me “good luck.” To them I say, “thanks, but I don’t need your luck, I need your support.” Luck implies that something is outside of my control and might not happen. This isn’t outside of my control and I will make it happen; what I desperately need from my friends is their love and support.

This year has been amazing, with an Aston Martin bought in January and Bernard Hiller in December, the year started out amazingly and will end in an ever better fashion, you just see if it doesn’t.

Take care

13 DECEMBER 2012 EDIT

Well, the class with Bernie Hiller has been completed and it was both terrifying and awesome. I came away with a new found love of my craft and my desire to follow me dream burns even brighter than ever before. That is not an exaggeration, no siree!

I said above that Bernie sometimes invites students over to work with him in LA if he sees something in them that he likes, or wants to cultivate. Well, he asked me over to LA and I will go to work with him for a month minimum from mid February next year. I’m crying a little as I write this because this is exactly what I want. I said above I would make this happen and I put in hours of study before the class to make sure I had the character down. I’m making my dream come true in every way and like some kind of Vaudeville Terminator, I absolutely will not stop until I have succeeded in making my dream a reality. Every day it gets closer.